01 / The impossible unembrace
Part 1 - March 14, 2020
You rescued my heart
Driving through the waning moon
two lives impossible to unravel
two hearts
two and two
an impossible unembrace
at the gate
before borders close
last flight
last seat
two thousand kilometres
the impossible unembrace
made
Return to the site of morning coffee
two cups at the table
empty
you caress my soul
450 days ago
Night trains
Minds exploding
Passing Silhouettes lit by station lights
Trails of light and smoke
We took the chance
Day upon day
together
apart
You rescued my heart
the impossible unembrace
coerced by circumstances
2 weeks
and 3 days
a date on a piece of paper
the impossible unembrace
Part 2 - March 28, 2020
you rescued my smile
M4 closed
lorries crashed
love
crushed
returning from the terminal
words, thoughts, tears
stain my face
2 days now
the worst decision we ever made
the only one we could make
short term long term
future plans
the impossible unembrace clear in my mind
watching you drift through the gates
a turn and
tears at twenty paces
400 days ago
hands held across the square
404 days ago
walking a white beach to Russia
minds tumbling
turmoil unravelling
405 days ago
a room
2 days now
daily talk by video
i want to hold your hand again
but we can’t
dreadful isolation at two million paces
that impossible unembrace
Part 3 - April 12, 2020
you rescued my mind
screen enlarged
dinner date across a table
2000km wide
too unreal
like a billion others
isolation hits you hard
mind warping
i am helpless to help
2000km away
6 days now
the worst decision we ever made
the only one we could
settling into a new routine
no
there is no settling
not in this love
370 days ago
on a balcony across from Gorky park
we talked
hands touching
we smiled
and kissed
3 weeks
5 countries
a mountain stop
floating above the valley floor
then Pau
beautiful Pau
the departure at the gates at Rome
A prelude to last week
enforced desolation
stretching
endless
intermanably
days, weeks, months into the future
wretched
that impossible unembrace
Part 4 - April 15, 2020
you rescued me
why did I let you go
at that impossible unembrace
i have failed you
you are alone
why did i not convince you
to stay
That damned date
Printed on a visa
A crack in my mind
has appeared
we are together but
each alone
I drink only from the cups you gave me
keep my coffee in the tin you chose
wear the t-shirt you left
I can not wash it
To fill the chasm without you
today
a video-conference call
colleagues in lockdown
but they are not alone
a figure in the background
cuts me
cracks me
splinters me
350 days ago
in poland
a field full of love
goodbye just for a few days
then more
it was so easy
trips by car and train
silent nights in the rolling carriages
then
before this
this damned this
9 days gone by
more
21 days of lockdown here
30 days of lockdown there
then
what
i pace my flat alone
our mix tape my only company
each song
cuts me with your smile
days mounting up
multiplying
multiplying
that
impossible
unembrace
Part 5 - April 20, 2020
You are my glue
It feels far away
that impossible unembrace
21 days
luton airport
another world
The cracks have widened
Mix tape playing
my hand on the shower door
if wipe away this condensation
I will see you
standing there waiting for me
i wiped
crack
300 days ago
an emergency trip to Odessa
we would travel the world for each other
40 hours of travel for
40 hours together
for you
fondant
us
crack
back here
i can’t clap
i can’t see the couples
the families
crack
words starting to fail me
our cups and plates
holding me together
just
that impossible unembrace
